Blood

So today I donated blood to the American Red Cross organization. Yes, I willingly allowed my middle finger to be pricked and to have the vein in my arm be injected with the most humungous needle I have ever seen. It was actually tube-like, and closely resembled a miniature spile; those things that are stuck in trees to draw out water. I guess that is kind of what giving blood is like. Anyway, I answered a lot of questions, got pricked by a needle to figure out my iron level, had my pulse and blood pressure taken, got the crease in my arm coated it Iodine - it was a orangey-brown color and looked really weird - and then out came the spile-needle. I couldn't look at my arm once the needle was in it; it was kind of freaky. But a pint of my blood went into one of those blood-bags and a bit more was put into six test tubes to verify that my blood would be fine for donating. the whole time I had to roll a ball around in my hand so as not to, I think, tense up and make a fist. This is all I have time to write about right now, but I just wanted to share about this. I wanted to do it last year, but arrived too late each time. I am glad I did it this time. It was scary, but I think that I will do it again because apparently the bag saves three lives! Go me!

People Really Aren't That Scary... At All.

Okay, so I know that I really should be doing homework right now (I really was a minute ago) but I really need to stop for a minute and write this down because it won't get out of my head.
I haven't been back at Hamline for very long (although it feels like it's been two weeks already) and I am trying something new. I am trying to meet a new person everyday/talk to someone that I have not talked to before. The first time I did it, it worked out wonderfully. I met a girl in my Sociology class due to the fact that I complimented her on her outfit. We kept talking before we had to go into the classroom, and then when we entered, I picked a seat and she asked if she could sit next to me, and we kept on talking. I found out she is from NY and is a first year student. We swapped stories about being a first year; I told her that I came here with another girl from my high school and made the mistake of following her around and not meeting people outside of the group we hung out with; she responded by saying that it was interesting for her because she doesn't know anyone, and that a lot of other people came here in pairs/already have groups and she is still trying to meet people.
This morning, I decided to ask her via facebook if she wanted to get breakfast. She never responded, and I saw her as I was leaving and said hello again and told her I had sent her a message. She said that she hadn't seen it; I said it was fine and that I'd see her later.
And then about 45 or so minutes ago, I went downstairs to do laundry and saw a guy who sat next to me in my religion class from last year, and I thought to myself, 'Okay, yes you thought he was intimidating since he is so freaking tall, but he probably thinks you are stuck up since you never smiled at all, which makes you look kinda pouty and arrogant. Just say 'You were in my religion class last year, right?' " So I did. And I learned his name, that he is going for an accounting major, that he lives in MN, goes to a Methodist church (because I said "I go to church because I like the people" "Where do you go?" "Fairmount Ave. United Methodist"), and that his roommate is in the same theatre troupe as me (glad I wore that shirt). He asked me if I was going for a religion major and I said yes I thought so, and then we asked each other if we believed in God. He said yes, and I said 'OK, how do you describe 'God'? What is God to you?" I can't remember the entirety of his answer to that, but he started by saying something like 'Oh, tough question.' I left after putting my clothes in the washer, and when I came back he was there again, and then he started talking to me, and we talked about having bad roommates, and what dorms we were in last year, what year we were here, etc.
It is amazing to me how much people judge one another. I know that I totally judged the guy from my religion class to be stuck up and arrogant and a total introvert, but he probably thought the same thing about me because we both were probably too nervous to speak to one another. And I totally thought that he was older than me, but he isn't. I am really learning that (most) people aren't as intimidating and scary as we think they are when we first meet them. It is a bit of a challenge for me to take an extra step and talk to someone I don't know. Whenever I try, I realize that I expect people to give one word answers and then go back to their business. For example, I expected the conversation I had with the guy from my religion class to go like this:
Me: You were in my religion class from last year, right?
Other guy: Yep.
Me: What's your name again?
Other guy: ______.
Me: OK, cool.
(silence)
Me: ..........
But so far it hasn't, because the people I have talked to seem to like the fact that I have made an effort to talk to them. It is just super interesting to me, and I wanted to share it.

Well, That Sucked.

So today I learned that a possible Hamline student may be reading this blog. If you are reading this, Potential Piper, I would like to give you some advice (if you aren't, that is OK too): Make your own friends, especially if someone you know is attending Hamline as well. I don't mean: NEVER spend time with the other person who is coming to college with you; just hang out with a bunch of different people - don't just stick with one group. That was the mistake I made. Just wanted to put that out there.
Within the last few hours, I haven't been very smart. I tried to ignore my old friends as I walked by them on my way to dinner, but when dinner is outside and they begin to call your name, it isn't easily done. It's impossible, actually. And then there is the internal dialogue while all this is happening:
"I should stop holding a grudge against these people. It's been at LEAST half a year. I feel like I am just dragging my feet."
"But they never apologized. Or rather that one person who sounded like they were talking for the whole group never apologized. (But they all should.)"
"Yes, but now they are acting like nothing happened.  WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???"
My problem is that I don't really want to stir things up by saying: 'Why were you such a jerk?' because I don't like conflict, and I wonder if they still are on my old roommate's side. If they are, then things would just explode all over again.
I also saw my old roommate's boyfriend again. The last time I talked to him I thought he was mad at me due to the fact that he got the backlash of my issues. But I waved at him today and talked to him at dinner, but the worst part of today was the fact that I left him, I LEFT the one person who was nice and didn't blow up at me (or wasn't part of the group who said "you suck"), to go and sit with the people who DID say I sucked. I did this because I didn't want to hold a grudge. But really I just got right back into the groove of being silent and uncomfortable and I treated the nice person exactly the way that the other people treated me. So really, how does that make me any better than them? This past Sunday, we had a guest speaker preach at my church, and her sermon was all about doing the right thing rather than what was easy or what you wanted to do. I am absolutely kicking myself for going back to the people who hurt me rather than staying and talking to the one who is actually nice. It sounds like being a woman who keeps going back to an abusive husband. Why did I do that? I feel really bad for leaving my old roommate's boyfriend in the dust. What I was thinking was that I didn't want the other people to think that I was mad at them, but I am, so what the heck is wrong with me? I shouldn't be that afraid of conflict that I end up hurting others.
I am going to make tomorrow better.

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